Shrink's Views

ramblings of an unknown psychiatrist

The Ultimate Marriage Collection

Posted by Dheeraj Kattula on January 6, 2011

I got engaged about three weeks ago. I was thrilled to change my status on social networks like Facebook and Orkut from single to engaged/ committed. I feel being perceived differently by people around me. Some see me being on cloud nine and some wish me luck!

In my life, I have spoken to a lot of couples having problems. In my professional life I am supposed to sort out marital conflicts. Over the years, I have become much more observant of happy families around me. This is to reprogram my default settings I have inherited from my own family to even better settings. It is impossible to create all the important concepts in my mind by observing people around me.

How do I equip myself for a good marriage? I thought it best to get as much information as possible about the topic. So I went to a couple of shops and bought books on marriage. This is the origin of my ‘The Ultimate Marriage Collection’.

Most of these are in line with my Christian faith, but the truths are applicable to everyone. I do really hope to read these up sometime. If I apply the lessons, I would then have a happy marriage. If I fail then I would at least become a busy conference speaker on the topic of marriage!

I am not in the race for being a conference speaker. So let me share with you the list of books in my collection. Hope you too have a happy married life.

Sl no Title Author Publisher
1 The 24X7 marriage Vijay Nagaswami Westland
2 The 50-50 marriage Vijay Nagaswami Westland
3 Boundaries in Marriage Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend Zondervan
4 The secret to a happy home D James Kennedy Whitaker House
5 Tender Love Bill Hybels Moody Press
6 Fit to be tied Bill and Lynn Hybels Zondervan
7 Wedlock Deadlock Chandrakumar Manickam Authentic
8 Family:God’s design and destiny K V Simon Authentic
9 Sex, God and Marriage Johann Christoph Arnold GLS publishing
10 Before you tie the knot Peter Wiig Person to Person Institute of Counseling
11 I married you Walter Trobisch GLS publishing
12 The Joy of being a woman Ingrid Trobisch Authentic
13 Unless the Lord builds Dr Prakash Yesudian RZIM
14 Love for a lifetime Dr James Dobson Multnomah
15 The Marriage Covenant Derek Prince Derek Prince Ministries
16 Christian Marital Counseling Everett Worthington Jr OM
17 The Power of a Praying Husband Stormie Omartian OM
18 10 Things I want my son to know Steve Chapman Authentic
19 Marriage Masala Rod and Ruthie Gilbert YWAM Publishing
20 One Good Year of Marriage Dr David and Janet Congo Cook Communications Ministries
21 The Excellent Wife Martha Peace Focus Publishing
22 The Act of Marriage Tim and Beverly LaHaye Authentic
23 I love you but why are we so different Tim LaHaye Authentic
24 Sex, Love and Marriage Zac Poonen Christian Fellowship Center
25 Answers for your Marriage Bruce and Carol Britten Authentic
26 The Christ Centered Marriage Neil Anderson & Charles Mylander Regal Books
27 Moments Together for Couples: Devotions Dennis and Barbara Rainey Regal Books
28 Spouse Shobha De Penguin
29 I Isaac Take thee Rebekah Ravi Zacharias RZIM
30 Solid Answers Dr James Dobson OM
31 Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus John Gray HarperCollins
32 Why men don’t listen and women cannot read maps Allan and Brabara Pease Orion

Ultimate Marriage Collection

 

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23 Responses to “The Ultimate Marriage Collection”

  1. Preena said

    Congratulations anna and i was truly stunned to see that you have read so many books on the topic. I have read a few from your list and i am sure that besides all that info from books, only God can build a really successful marriage and home.I have no doubt that yours will be His Handiwork. God bless!

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thanks Preena. It is by God’s grace only can a happy home be established. I agree completely. There is a role for humans to live in accordance with His principles to make a marriage successful. Reading few books has made me open to learn more and also taught me to adjust and not expect. I would write some things on what I have learnt in the future.

  2. halloftyrannus said

    I think Dheeraj, this sister has made the point which i wanted you to know for a long time.Be more Christ centered and Spirit empowered than reading all these books ,the which come from differing world views and will certainly lead to worldview confusion and confusion of values and motives.

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      I agree with you Sam, if a person is like a blank slate tabula rasa and he reads about topics from contrary viewpoints he would get confused. My world view is quite clear. If I read from an author with a different world view the contents would sift through my value system and I would accept only that which is in line with my value system. I would chuck the rest. Interestingly there is so much common about making a marriage work, whatever be the world view. Things like love, respect, trust, intimacy are necessary in every marriage.

  3. halloftyrannus said

    Any of these book should be read critically before you even accept what they say. Should be analysed with a biblically critical mind and ideas.

  4. ganajit said

    I have a quite a lots of book like this which i procured initial/before the stage of my marital life. But for not useful as i could not go through with even a one.
    But it just goes on…
    As a shrink you know…the main practical ways of living marital life. and spiritual point it is quite clear in both the ways for you.

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thanks Ganajit for stopping by and even offering a comment.
      It was surprising that I know so little about marriage and things that follow. Psychiatry text books are quite silent on many practical issues. It is true that even without reading anything so many people have happy married lives. When people want to be together happily, it is a challenge for the will and not for the mind. Books only inform our mind. People have to affect their will.

  5. Joben said

    How about just reading the bible. Especially those wise books in the middle (SOS, Pro and Eccl)?

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      I really like that idea. Most people write their books based on these texts/principles. Extra fittings are necessary to view things in a different culture and time. Most books do communicate the same essential message.

  6. Vikas Garg said

    Congratulations on double success Dheeraj for marriage and obtaining MD in CMC.

    All the best and stay in touch.

    with regards

  7. Deepthi said

    I completely agree with Joben. Reading Bible gives us enough wisdom and knowledge related with marriage. The foundation of marriage should be based on the biblical principles not on compilation of books which you have collected.I agree that times and cultures have changed, but the basic human emotions have not changed!!! To understand people and their reactions & emotions we need divine wisdom not the human wisdom(human wisdom often fails us!!). We get human wisdom by reading the books you have listed but we acquire divine wisdom by prayer alone. There is no shortcut or substitute for that. Remember a family that prays together stays together.

    Marriages have flourished even before the advent of all this literature. Surprisingly nowadays marriages are failing even after such literature is being available abundantly in the bookshops. Why is that so???? Because people have become more self reliant and less God dependent. Men can get knowledge but only God gives the wisdom to use that knowledge.

    I suggest spending more time in prayer and reading bible.It is more worthwhile than time spent on book shopping and book displaying!!! My prayers are with you bro.

  8. Hey Dhiraj – had left a comment earlier – did you censor it?!!! Congrats and may God bless you both. Marriage is the best thing that can ever happen to a man as I am sure you will realise soon enough. I realise you have lots of reading to do, but may I suggest one more, if you have not already read it – the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Easy to read and completely worth it. Lots of love an prayers from both of us.
    P.S. Congrats on your admission too! Way to go brother – donno how you managed to study with all that was going on! May God continue to bless you abundantly

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thank you Arpit for your wishes.
      I did not get your comment. I have not censored anyone other than what wordpress calls spam! I am aware of Gary Chapman’s book. I have not got my hands on it. I have been reccomended that book by my boss Dr Susheel Tharien as well. I got an idea of what those were from http://www.5lovelanguages.com. I have mentioned these in a post I wrote long time ago.
      I am glad you have understood that it would have been difficult to study when all these ‘ponnu pakarathu’ etc is going on. Especially as my reticent fiancée replied to my messages in irregularly irregular fashion, my anxiety level was high. I cannot imagine what would have happened if we spoke. I have now realized that she apparently did not want to distract me. So sweet of her…Anyway the result was completely by the grace of God. To Him be all glory.
      Thanks for your wishes again. Waiting for your part II…

      • Hey Dhiraj! ‘reticent fiance replied to my messages in irregularly irregular fashion’ – that was hilarious! Still laughing!! And also know what you mean! Keeping you in prayer as the 5th approaches – sorry we won’t be able to make it! Your lovely smile popped up on my blog today – loved it! Thanks! As for part 2 of the post, well, somehow it has not taken off in spite of many starts. Maybe you should write something which I can then repost….. But all that after the wedding and honeymoon! God bless you brother and may your marriage be a blessing to you, your children and family and a witness to many others. God bless. Arpit

  9. Joben said

    You should add CS Lewis’ the Four Loves and read some Kierkegaard especially if you can get your hands on a biography. Its the story of an interesting man and how he struggles with loving God too deeply. Oh and I’m pretty sure Pa and Ma have a copy of the 5 love languages.

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thanks Joben.I will try to get my hands on these.I will try to get the 5LLs from your parents.They are coming to my house tomorrow for praying for me.I leave tomorrow to Hyderabad for turmerification, betrothal and wedding on 3 successive days! 🙂

  10. Bertha said

    Dheeraj, how did you miss Men are from Penus and women are from Bras? It is a hilarious rejoinder to Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.Did you knwo the Christian rejoinder Men are like waffles and women are like noodles?
    Happy wedding !

  11. Just came by today and read through your extensive list of Marriage books. When we got married, Ash and i were surprised at the sheer number of marriage books that people had presented us with. It felt at that time, that people almost expected us to have so much trouble that we’d need those books to help us by.

    We haven’t got around to reading all, and don’t think we will but some of the books we like and that have helped us are
    – the love languages
    -His Needs, Her Needs
    – Marriage Masala
    – The Act of Marriage
    – Stormie Omartin – Power of a Praying…

    I should also add that am the reader and Ashwin is the listener. I read, condense facts, and tell him!

    Have a wonderful married life. I always tell my friends. Ashwin and marriage are the best things that happened to me – next to my salvation!

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thanks for your smart-list of 5.
      I have read through ‘His Needs, Her Needs’, which I took as a gift from a friend!!!
      From what I have found about my wife till now, I would be the reader and she would be the listener. It is good that we would not fight over books! 🙂
      I am sure as time goes by I would summarize the content of stuff in these books and present in this blog. Living the learnt principles is difficult but is very fulfilling.I am sure spouse is the second most important tool God uses to help us know ourselves and shape us in His image. The first being His Spirit.
      Thanks for your wishes.We had been to Chandipur, Orissa and later had visited Baripada as part of our ‘honeymoon’.We came back yesterday and so the delay in accepting your comment 🙂

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