Shrink's Views

ramblings of an unknown psychiatrist

A Letter to One’s Love

Posted by Dheeraj Kattula on September 24, 2009

Dear One,

I do not know who you are, where you are or what you do. In fact I do not even know if you are there at all. I sincerely hope you do exist somewhere in this world 🙂  I want to let you know that I love you.

I understand love as ‘positive other centerdness’. Since childhood I have cherished the possibility of having an ‘other’ one at all times. Even as a child I imagined you sending me off for work, care for me when I fell sick, teach my kids good ways, give me tea when I got back home and also treat my parents with love and respect.

As I grew up I imagined a greater role for me in our relationship. I think of cooking good food for you, helping your relatives live stable and productive lives, play with our children, do the mundane things like shopping and cleaning. I also think of caring for your parents in their old age.

Somehow you had been a part of my life.You had been in the future of my past, though you have never figured into my present. I have saved money for our wedding, just in case you do not have any savings. Even though I have planned it to be a simple event, it could be from my pocket itself.  I think it is absloutely useless to waste life’s savings of parents in grand wedding receptions. I have also saved enough money for a Cesarean Section if it were to be required for you within the first year of our marriage. I cannot insure your health now, right! 🙂 I know that marriage is a complicated thing. It affects  plans that people make. I too realize that  I might have to change my ‘present’ plans of my future. You might have observed that you have some connection with me from my past well into my future .

As I lived through a third (maybe half) of my life, I have at times mistakenly felt that somebody was you. It was the grace of God that I realized in short spans of time that this probably was not the case. In that sense I have spared myself the emotional trauma of a ‘love failure’. So at times I find it difficult to empathize with one’s who have such trauma. One might sat that they did not match up to my expectations and therefore I did not take any active steps. Don’t worry. It is not so. It was a matter or timing or direction in life that made my non-choice easy. That was why I did not commit to anybody. In fact my expectations are below average in many dimensions compared to many.

Someone might say that I probably backed out from possibilities due to fear of rejection. It possibly could well be true. Consider this, if that were so I would have tried to change my self to fit into someone’s choice categories to be accepted. Is it not? As I look back, I think I have made major life decisions based on what I felt was good and what I felt was right. It was not based on what felt good, either to me or another. So that possibility is not probably true.

They say there are five love languages-words of affirmation,quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. I think there is a sixth language beyond these.That is the language of commitment. It is the quality of  being bound and staying put. Interestingly the first five need another person to be expressed. The last one could be practiced even in anticipation.

I heard an accomplished film actor say that he ‘loved’ his wife but was ‘not in love’ with her. I thankfully do not have such moral schizophrenia. But I could well be a mad fool of a different kind.  That is for glorifying commitment to a greater level than what the society deems necessary. Is it not completely acceptable to marry another person if a spouse dies? To me, it is difficult to imagine another person in your place. It is easier to think of living in grief for rest of the life. I understand such romantic idealism is meaningless. But still I would not mind that. I know that even if you die, I might grieve for a while but I would not get depressed. I would get on with life after penning a  few pages of dard-e-dil shayari (emotional poetry in Urdu). I might choose to do some better things, like helping ones who are more hurt by life. I might do somethings that you would have done to make the world a better place.

I wonder what is it that ties me to you but at the same time keeps me as an individual. I would be happy to call it maturity. Others might call it illusory, be it illusion of love or illusion of individuality. I also wonder what might draw attention of an inattentive person like me to you. It may be what you do when you are off the stage and when the spotlight is not on you. Answers to questions like – What you live for? What you give for? Who your friends are? Who are your foes? Why have you won your foes? How do you live? and the God you serve may draw my attention. Finally, I would consider you as God’s gift to me. I promise to keep myself as God’s gift for you too.

Your assets disappear in an instant, your beauty  fades in a day.

You get dependent in a decade, I would love you as ever I pray.


Yours faithfully, hopefully, lovingly…

Your missing complement

Disclaimer:

No. I am not in love. The letter is just a medium to convey my ideas regarding love.

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9 Responses to “A Letter to One’s Love”

  1. bali said

    Good one dude. You rock Lol.

  2. vivek said

    Its better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for something you’re not.

    One more thing:- If you love something, you have to let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours for all time, if it doesn’t, it never was and was never meant to be.

  3. realitybites said

    Wow!!!You are the most covetable bachelor!!!! I really liked your letter.I wish every man thinks the way you think, atleast imagine!!!.But i have a question for you, does this happen in real life?? will this letter end up just in black and white or will it ever take the colours of real life.

  4. realitybites said

    Wow, you are the most covetable bachelor. I really liked your blog!!! I wish all men think like you, atleast imagine like you!!I have a question for you, it is true in real life,will it happen in reality?? Will your letter just remain in black and white or will it ever take real colors of life??

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      Thanks for visiting my blog and also for taking time to comment.
      You said ” I wish all men think like you.”I hope women think like that too. 🙂

      I have been very fortunate to see love in action in my life.Being a psychiatrist I deal with a lot of suffering that mental illness throws upon individuals and families.I have seen extremely committed spouses and parents.They just care for their loved one.They have no expectation of receiving such care from the ones they care for, but nevertheless…they care.They simply LOVE.

      My job includes improving skills in dealing patiently with a mentally ill/challenged persons.But,I learn patience best from their caregivers.I also understand that it is caring relatives who go great lengths to provide care for their loved ones.It is for this reason that they probably bring them to psychiatric centres.These greats are not representative of the whole world.We could learn to be like these people.Isn’t it?

      Love is not a feeling.It is an act of the will.It has always been like that.If you ask,will it be real…Yes it could be.It will be…if we are willing.

  5. AMN said

    You should TOTALLY read Nicholas Sparks 😉

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