Shrink's Views

ramblings of an unknown psychiatrist

Balancing the Marriage Equation

Posted by Dheeraj Kattula on August 27, 2009

Let us assume that there is a  valid rating scale which rates all human beings in dimensions of their physical appearance (beauty),intelligence (brains) and economic strength (bank balance).The scale has scores ranging from 1- 10. A score of 1 or 2 in each dimension indicates ugliness, low intelligence and economic poverty. A score of 9 or 10 in each dimension indicates beauty, high intelligence and opulence.

I have a theory in my mind for the past few years regarding how people match up in marriages. It can be summarized in form an equation given below.

Beauty score (male) X Brain score (male) X Bank balance score (male) = Beauty score (female) X Brain score (female) X Bank balance score (female)

Let me translate that into plain English. Consider a very intelligent boy (brain score = 9) who is average looking (beauty score = 5), is working as a newspaper boy and lives hand to mouth (bank balance score = 2). His composite score is 9X 5 X 2 = 90. He can get a spouse with scores in any one of the following combination. My hypothesis is that though these scores can be in any dimension, the product of these in his wife would not exceed 90.

Examples of combination are 3 X 3 X 10/ 6 X 3 X 5/ 9 X 10 X 1/ 5 X 2 X 9 etc

I felt that this equation may not hold true for ones who were idealistic with socialistic and spiritual values. In my interactions with few spiritual Christians, I realized that my assumption was wrong. In fact they had a more complicated model. They had these following criteria as well. (I agree my personal observations could be biased and conclusions are not generalizable.)

Spirituality (male) = Spirituality (female)

(We could add a new Spirituality Score ranging from 1-10 for use in the above equation. This would complicate the equation even further.)

The following two are categorical variables which are supposed to match.

Calling/Vocation (male) = Calling/Vocation (female)

Religious background of family (male) = Religious background of family (female)

In addition to these the golden equation should also balance as equality on both sides for a marriage to fructify.

Beauty score (male) X Brain score (male) X Bank balance score (male) = Beauty score (female) X Brain score (female) X Bank balance score (female)

Oh my God! I thought life became simpler with faith in God, but equations governing life have gotten complex. So, I am probably missing something in my model. On deeper thought I refined my model recently.

Is there any perfect equation in behavioral/ social sciences? Probably there isn’t one. Equation of every marriage is an inequality. There is some miss-match between expectation and realization for everyone. Is it not? Whose score is objective? One might score himself 810 (9 X 9 X 10) but his wife may see him as a person with 216 (6 X 6 X 6)! So what can be done to resolve the problem…

I propose addition of a new variable LOVE on both sides.

Beauty score (male) X Brain score (male) X Bank balance score (male) +LOVE (of wife towards husband) =

Beauty score (female) X Brain score (female) X Bank balance score (female) + LOVE (of husband towards wife)

Lo behold! The equation becomes equality. Love does cover for a multitude of shortcomings.(1 peter 4:8)

What do you think about this new equation?

Advertisements

7 Responses to “Balancing the Marriage Equation”

  1. peterrocks said

    hey Dheeraj long since you posted headache giving posts.good thought –
    brain+/-beauty+/-balance+/-,+ Christ = Christ +/- rest,our decisions are not to be made on equations,but by God’s leading.I believe our God speaks in different ways. So many times equations do not apply, except if you are looking from out side of Christ.

  2. Dr.Navdeep said

    True Love is hardest thing to find, don’t know how balanced your equation is.

    @Navdeep
    It is not about finding true love to balance the equation of marriage.It is about loving the other person enough to balance the equation.
    If you think you are too good for the other person the onus is on you to love that person.If you are not good enough for that person, that means that the other person does love you a lot.Else the marriage would not have occured in the first place.Is it not?

    Hope you get a person you loves you a lot and is also much better than you 🙂 I would like that equation.

    • Dr.Navdeep said

      This is a philosophy only.Be practical.All marriages are not on this base. you yourself told me a story- remember????????

      • Dheeraj Kattula said

        Dear Navdeep,

        Let me remind you the story.The lady was a good looking, rich village girl reared in North.Her marriage was arranged with a guy well educated and well placed in Government services.The equation of this marriage is balanced.There is no problem in this one.

        She decided to leave the marriage and go back home. This was on the day after the first night when she came to know that her husband was already married secretly to someone else.

        The family got her married to another person from the same community few months later.This guy was a tall handsome driver working in a different state.Even in this match the equation is balanced.

        Then after a couple of years she realized that her husband has been having a relationship with his boss.His boss was an educated lady.She was employed as an officer in the Government.She was from a tribal background.She would not find equally educated and well placed grooms.She decided to have a relationship with her tall handsome driver.This couple’s equation is also balanced.

        So the story I told you gives more evidence for the equation.

        I must confess that this person’s story has touched me deeply.I have even shed tears also.The problem is that there has been no strength of character in people.One was weak to reveal his love and marriage with someone to his own parents.One was not committed to someone who he married.One was desperate to hook up with someone no matter what the society said.

        In all this the protagonist of the story missed ‘love’.She did not find it in ones she was supposed to find it.She did not cross boundaries to find it, as she loved her children.Love in this story shows us that it binds people within boundaries and not freeing people to cross them.I would call that ‘lust’ and not love.

        Coming back to the equation.I am still convinced it stands true.

  3. RR said

    If love is not mentioned as a variable but as a constant your equation is perfect!

    Let us name it as God´s constant, because God is love and He is everlasting.

    Bible says “Do not be unequally yoked”. Right. The equation will never be right if God´s constant is missing from any of the sides! 🙂

    • Dheeraj Kattula said

      I have kept love as variable as our human love varies with respect to time, situation etc. God’s love is a constant. I agree with you. It is like infinity. I did not want God’s love to figure in this equation as this is a earthy equation. This equation is my empirical finding. I do not propose this as ideal at all. I do wish my friends have God’s love in their equations.

  4. RR said

    Yes, all other factors get faded infront of that awesome constant.:) and the equation becomes so simple. But we humen prefer exactly the same earthly equation which is not reliable and incorrect also. Thanks bro for making it clear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: